They Don't Teach Corporate in College

From Chapter Three: Working the Crowd

Subsection: The Corporate Social Scene

When I moved to San Francisco to start a new marketing job in the cosmetics industry, I really wanted to make friends with the younger people in my department. I tried to get to know the girls who worked in the cubes around me, but they were such a tight-knit group I thought I was back in high school. Every time I’d ask one of them to go to lunch, she would come up with some excuse, and then later, I would see her leaving with one of our other colleagues. Then one day, I saw the girl next to me thumbing through a bridal magazine. I walked up to her and asked her about her wedding. She was more than happy to talk about it, and when I told her I was from St. Louis (where she was getting married), she couldn’t stop asking me questions.

Preeti, 24, California

Imagine being stranded on a desert island with your co-workers. Scary, huh? But when you think about it, you spend just as much time with them at work as you would if you were all breaking coconuts over your knees in the South Pacific. Therefore, if you want to enjoy your job, it’s in your best interest to make friends with some of these folks. Work friends will be there when you want to grab a bite at the Subway down the block or take a quick turn on the stairmaster at the gym. They’ll be there when you need to commiserate about a project or vent about a new company policy. They may even be around when your world changes forever, like when my colleagues and I watched the September 11th terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. Work friendships make Corporate America bearable and you shouldn’t try to do without them.

The ideal time to scout out potential work friendships is at the start of a new job. When your boss introduces you to the other members of your team, make a note of people your age who look friendly. Take them up on their offers to help you. Maybe you already know how to order business cards, but there’s no harm in finding an excuse to talk to your new co-workers. If someone asks you to get a cup of coffee, go gladly, but don’t jump at the chance for a friend so quickly that you end up spending all of your time with that person. Since you’re unfamiliar with people’s allegiances, you need to avoid aligning yourself with a single colleague or group of colleagues. In your first month, you should aim to know a little about a lot of people rather than the other way around.

Once you’re established in the department, make an effort to get to know potential work friends personally. This can be intimidating and even somewhat difficult if your office is full of cliques. It’s possible that a group of your co-workers will go out to happy hour and leave you sitting at your desk feeling like the new kid in third grade all over again. The only way to break through work social groups is one person at a time. Zero in on the most approachable person in the group, find out what interests him and weave these things into a conversation. For example, if you see that your next-door neighbor has a Nerf basketball net in his cube, you might ask him if he caught the Final Four game last night. People love to talk about themselves, so encourage potential friends to tell you about their lives. Listen to what they say and talk about yourself only if asked. Doing someone a favor is also a good friend-making strategy. Suppose your teammate is frantically looking for a last-minute pet sitter while she goes out of town for a funeral. If you live in her neighborhood, graciously offer to feed her cats. Your teammate won’t forget this act of goodwill and is likely to view you favorably in the future.

Sometimes team members will be non-responsive to your gestures of friendship. Don’t take it personally. Your department’s culture might encourage people to keep to themselves, or you and your co-workers might not have much in common. If this is the case, expand your search to the rest of the organization. Perhaps you should get to know the girl from accounting a little better. What about that guy who always rides the elevator with you in the morning?

Outside the boundaries of your job, check with human resources to see if your company sponsors activities like sports teams, travel clubs or charity initiatives. Sign up for “extracurriculars” that catch your eye and commit to attend the events. Once you’re there, find someone you know and ask him to introduce you around. Remember that like everything in Corporate America, new work friendships require follow up. When you meet someone interesting, think of an excuse to drop him an e-mail afterwards. You’ll remind him who you are and encourage him to make contact again.

A word on dating in the business world – don’t go out with someone in your company unless you can handle seeing the person every day if the relationship doesn’t work out. Definitely avoid dating your boss or anyone on your immediate team, because even if you end up marrying him, it won’t be worth the career complications. The best idea? Get your colleagues to introduce you to their single friends!